Why Love Isn't Unconditional, It's Selfish
As of July 20, 2017
What has three years of toxic "love" towards my first lover taught me?
You're doing it all wrong. Love is selfish. Stop fooling yourself otherwise.
1. You don't love them, you never did. You Just loved the idea of them.
Don't deny that you haven't thought of how much you "had in common".
How quirky they are;
How they looked when they laughed.
Or even how sexy they were with their passions.
But lastly,
How you saw a future,
A potential spouse.
You get creative with what life would be.
Look.
You don't have much in common.
You're focusing on a dimension of them.
Similarity does not equal capability.
It's selfish because you're looking for something you're comfortable with:
You.
YOU are looking for familiarity.
YOU were finding things that reminded you of you.
Because thats what you're most comfortable with.
In result, you create irrational ideas of them,
to perceive that you two are compatible.
Its like a gateway drug.
And the root cause is:
You.
Your selfish needs, wants, and desires.
2. We want what makes us feel good
We live for the thrill, the new, the excitement and the mystery.
We can't deny we want what's best for us.
...isn't that what they all say?
It's selfish because you want the best [treatment] out there.
We want to be spoiled, treated right, understood and respected.
It's simply for your own means.
Why?
It's a form of reassurance, confirmation and validation.
How I see it?
A.) Reassurance is to feed the weak and insecure.
You weren't ready to create your own value.
You selfishly needed someone to do it for you.
It's for social acceptance. Think about it.
Who wouldn't want the best partner to brag about to their family and friends?
It's so your family and friends approve of YOU.
To gain that better social status, impression, self worth etc.
B.) It's also selfish because you love the perception of owning them.
The possession and control over their "happiness".
You admire yourself for being the one responsible for it.
YOU did this by giving them what you can.
"Sacrificing" in order to feel better of yourself.
C.) And biologically speaking...
You selfishly want the best because
you're subconsciously thinking of having the best offsprings.
To spread your genes - you fucking narcissist.
[And this is one of my theories of why cheating happens
...but that will be for a different post.]
3. Time doesn't change anything or anyone
Time doesn't heal wounds,
but new experiences can replace them.
However, replacing does not mean its forgotten.
This is why love rarely lasts,
yet paradoxically...
letting go of someone is never 100%
Especially our first loves.
But that's OK. We need to realize:
Missing someone doesn't mean we need them back.
We drink to numb the reality.
To feel happiness again...
temporarily.
We naivety give into the temporary comfort.
Again, were being selfish.
We don't love them, we love the attention they give us.
Just realize,
we can never have it all.
Selfish.
Love is selfish.
Now is that a bad thing?
No.
That's just how humans are.
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